can’t read my
can’t read my
no he can’t read my poker face
====

i heard my little sister singing this latest song from lady gaga – poker face.
then i remembered my friend actually telling me that i have a poker face.  he said that i always looked placid.  as in putting on a face that doesn’t get affected by anything around me.

well, that time he labeled me that, we were talking about him and his quest for true love.  routine is i ask about the progress of him finding ‘her’ and he answers more lovesick stuff especially high school – he had this high school love he hardly got over with.  then came a point when he was able to ask about my own love life or if i even have someone i like/d – specifically high school.

i was mumed.  i was able to retort ‘what made you think i didn’t?’ after 5 seconds.   and this is the part where he told me that i have this poker face that no one can read.  he  couldn’t believe that i did have my fair share of eye candies way back in high school.  i even had to name names coz he insists that i was just making things up so the conversation would quickly end.

do i really have a poker face? i know i do…

before, i thought that other people wouldn’t really care so i never really show emotions.  but it was proven wrong.  there are people that care about other people.  its just a matter of me, letting them care about me.  i have slowly learned to share to my closest friends my real emotions – at times.  and only when i feel calm and comfortable sharing it to them.

also, it has always been my ideal not to bother other people’s lives with the things that happen to myself.  i feel that i would just be a burden to others if i was emotionally weak.  and someone who can take care of herself should be pulling her own weight.

do i still wear that poker face? yes and no.

yes because by default, i appear to not care and mind my own business.

no, because i have learned to transform that face to a mask.  i seem happy even when im not, i wear a frown when i really wanted to scream and coz im tired, i wear a snob coz i don’t want them to think im easy, i wear silence when im actually boiling with anger inside.

but im not that twisted, yet.  coz there are people i allow to see through me.

its just that i continue to sing…
can’t read my, can’t read my..
no one can read my poker face..