due to lack of sleep…
Posted by: michelle on: Tuesday, August 25, 2009
all i can think of right now is the feel of my bed.
how nice it would be to sleep all day.
my back aches, and sleeping should be a band-aid.
back massage… i wanna get one but can’t for the next 30 days.
but being here isn’t all that bad.
at least, the cool winds are starting to breeze in.
my morning and afternoon walks will be enjoyable now.
i get to see cute dogs, beautiful flowers, clean streets, nice japanese houses. i can’t believe im once again enjoying the sight of these things now.
work?
well, the work place is still the same. except that the hallways are brighter and more decent that it looks more like an office and not a production plant. the staircase is still something i dread about. my personal workspace is a little more clean than when i was on aots.
even the comfort rooms are newly painted, i still don’t like the now longer trip going there.
but the sad part is that the japanese counterparts have only little english.
meaning, i have to survive the deaf-mute communication between us and them. very challenging days to come i can say.
and even when im once again rambling, something that should help me stay awake, im still sleepy. i wanna go home (as in my hotel room) asap.
gorogoro
Posted by: michelle on: Thursday, July 30, 2009
i feel lazy today. my work productivity is not good. i could have done the task im doing now
yesterday but i just don’t feel like finishing it really.
work’s not that interesting. sometimes, i feel like i just want to dissipate and poof then wake up somewhere far and unfamiliar. just like alice in wonderland. but i can contact my family through some kind of telepathy so that they won’t worry about me. i want it to happen in like a blink of an eye. then no one knows where i went.
i know im rambling.
rambling, ranting, mad.
mad at who? at myself.
and frustrated, and small.
because i am expected of something big. they he is expecting much from me and im sure i have not met his expectation. and i can’t bring myself to prove to him that i can do the responsibilities i am given. its not my style to show off. i rather want to do things because i want to see how i did. never because i want to please someone.
but i know this feeling shouldn’t be. i should be facing this obstacle and get over this hindrance. i have done this before, i should be able to do it now. i should be able to transfer my energy to positivity and get over the anger im feeling right now.
and one more thing, maybe this is because i’ve not been communicating with Him. im sure He wants to help, i just am too stubborn to take His hand and allow Him to comfort me.
though im kind of ashamed of myself, but im sure He’ll happily see me going back to Him and resting in Him.
jollibee and taylor swift
Posted by: michelle on: Wednesday, July 29, 2009
yesterday, i had dinner at jollibee. one of the crew was giving away discount cards by the entrance.
but i didn’t use them coz i ordered 1 pc burger steak.
since i had to kill about an hour, i took my time eating. then, ‘teardrops on my guitar’ played in the background…
and there he goes so perfectly, the kind of flawless i wish i could be
she better hold him tight, give him all her love
look in those beautiful eyes and know she’s lucky coz
…
the discount cards lay in front of me drawing all of my attention as i was listening to those lines.
eating alone and being reminded of someone, it sure was an odd way of spending dinner and buying time.
i realized — the feeling used to be something else. a feeling i was so sure of and was so obsessed
with. but circumstances change things, people, feelings. i changed, things changed, my feelings… it didn’t change, or maybe it did. this time, ‘the feeling’ have been mixed with other feelings.
and i don’t deny that im confused right now.
silence
Posted by: michelle on: Wednesday, July 22, 2009
i haven’t written in a long while… here, in the other blog, anywhere.. even in my journal.
not because i don’t have anything to write, but because there is so much to write about i don’t know where to start, and when i do, my mind gets flooded with millions of words that my hands cannot keep up writing them.
i read a blog entry describing how she came to be a writer. she mentioned there that you write because you have to. i am no writer, but i agree that we write down things because we have to… to be able to have an evidence of what is, to be able to reread them, to be able to relive how it felt during that time…
seeing my previous entries, i realize that i have written many things because of him, many things about him, many things for him.
suddenly, i stopped. i forced myself to stop. and i did stop.
but i miss writing…
just as i miss him…
***
sa jeep
Posted by: michelle on: Monday, June 15, 2009
the youth are the hope of the future…
i agree. our future lies in the hands of the youth today. i was once a part of that youth, and i’d say i was a good member of that group.
yesterday, i needed to do grocery after church. i attended mass in a not-my-usual church due to the heavy and almost endless rain (which will be another post).
i took the jeepney going to the mall and i sat beside 2 high school girls who also attended the same mass i did earlier. im very sure they’re best of friends.
Read the rest of this entry »
buzz!
Posted by: michelle on: Thursday, June 11, 2009
ctrl + g… buzzz… ding!
we buzz our ym buddies when they seem to reply a little longer… we buzz so we’d know whether they got disconnected , couldn’t or wouldn’t reply at all…
apart from having a poker face, i also have this poker ear(?)
hahaha i made that term up.
poker ear – seems to not hear, but really does hear
i have the tendency to look like not listening what someone tells me. my friends think that i don’t listen because my face reads a talk-to-george sign, or i look like im in trance, with a blank expression. usually, they remind me by telling me ‘wa ka naminaw noh?‘ and i answer them with whatever they were asking me.
in those accusations, i don’t plead guilty. when those moments come up, i listen, really. it just happens that my mind is also processing another thing and tells my face to look dumb. hahaha.
im sure they would disagree to that excuse. fine! sometimes, i don’t listen. i let it pass. i tend to filter the signals that my ear send to my brain. if it’s not worthy, or it would something that could make me angry or hurt, my brain doesn’t process it. wait.. i see the connection now… my poker face and my poker ear are related…
hahaha..
because of this talent, nalain si kate nako… i just read her blog entry about it.
so that was why she asked me about unrequited love… tsk tsk tsk…
i feel awful reading her entry. i didn’t mean to ignore her. its either i didn’t hear her say something, or my mind was super bothered with depressing and anxious thoughts.
it happened friday, and that was a day that made my mind twist. maybe when kate was saying something, my mind was already in the middle of calculating the possibilities of me becoming alone in a group coming july.
and with my worries, i hurt someone. and it feels bad…
waaaaaaaaaaaaaa
sori kate!!! next time, if you want to talk, do shake me… i might get nervous breakdown if you won’t…. hahahhaha
i owe you 
don’t sway
Posted by: michelle on: Thursday, June 11, 2009
Sway
Bic Runga
Don’t stray, don’t ever go away
I should be much too smart for this
You know it gets the better of me
Sometimes, when you and I collide
I fall into an ocean of you, pull me out in time
Don’t let me drown, let me down
I say it’s all because of you
And here I go, losing my control
I’m practicing your name so I can say it to your face
It doesn’t seem right, to look you in the eye
Let all the things you mean to me
Come tumbling out my mouth
Indeed it’s time to tell you why
I say it’s infinitely true
[CHORUS:]
Say you’ll stay, don’t come and go
Like you do
Sway my way, yeah I need to know
All about you
And there’s no cure, and no way to be sure
Why everything’s turned inside out
Instilling so much doubt
It makes me so tired – I feel so uninspired
My head is battling with my heart
My logic has been torn apart
And now it all turns sour
Come sweeten every afternoon
[CHORUS TWICE]
It’s all because of you
It’s all because of you
Now it all turns sour, come sweeten every afternoon
It’s time to tell you why, I say it’s infinitely true
[CHORUS TWICE]
It’s all because of you
It’s all because of you
It’s all because of you
gift and fruit
Posted by: michelle on: Sunday, May 31, 2009
today is the celebration of the Pentecost. i attended mass and after the mass, we were encouraged to get a gift from the Holy Spirit near the altar.
ofcourse, i got one and…
gift of the Holy Spirit: knowledge
fruit of the Holy Spirit: patience
i still don’t know why knowledge is the gift i received today. maybe because i still don’t know. i have a lot of questions in my heart right now, and i have not found the answers to them yet. i wanted the gift of wisdom, but since i received knowledge, it should be the one i need.
patience. my motto in life had always been and still is ‘patience is a virtue’. and patience has been the key to my survival from the roller-coaster ride i’ve had in my life.
with these gift and fruit, im quite excited, at the same time scared, with the challenges i am about to face. but He will always be by my side holding me. and knowing that alone, i am ready.
i know you’re wondering when
Posted by: michelle on: Thursday, May 21, 2009
there’s this song i got to know due to my addiction to asiandramas. one
fanvideo for Devil Beside You used this as a theme. i loved that video
because aside from the brilliant video edit, i liked how the song told
the story of the video.
i liked the melody (the first thing i notice in a song as usual) so it became an instant favorite from Nickelback.
out of nowhere, the song played in my head yesterday. i searched for the lyrics and it struck a string in me. string of emotions…
Read the rest of this entry »
it hurts
Posted by: michelle on: Tuesday, May 19, 2009
i called in sick for the whole day today.
why?
because i have a bad soar throat, i even think its laryngitis. it hurts when i swallow. i can’t enjoy eating and drinking water. all i know is that when i move my throat, it hurts bad.
i was woken by the pain around 6 am, really early for me coz i wake up around 8 am. i thought i’d just be a half day absent from work but came 9, i still felt ill. i just wanted to lay in bed and sleep all day.
Read the rest of this entry »
Recent Comments