“maybe you’re not supposed to fit in!”

she felt cold water splashing on her face as if waking up from a faint.

“then what got me here?”



thoughts of the day

– my fats are growing
– i need to stop drinking coffee
– 80% my day is spent on pointless things
– i miss singing
– jireh and dru are long lost twins
– im not eating as much fruit as i should
– japan spoiled me
– my time management is getting out of hand
– taking a shower is still on the top of my list of favorite things to do
– silence, stillness and tranquility
– you make me feel unpretty
– my faith is little
– depression, go away!

claims of love

A good sign of someone who truly knows his values is how he invests in the people he claims to love.

it is painful to confront the truth of knowing and seeing that you have been tricked with claims of love.

Many claim to have unfailing love, but a faithful person who can find? (Proverbs 20:6 NIV)

dailyWord: weak

Instead, God chose things the world considers foolish in order to shame those who think they are wise. And he chose things that are powerless to shame those who are powerful.
(1 Corinthians 1:27 NLT)

dailyWord: bitterness

i didn’t really admit it to myself that i have nurtured bitterness in my heart.
but the Lord convicts His people’s hearts, and Psalms 73 will now be one of my life verses to remind me of my ignorance and at the same time to Whom i belong to

my inner geek is happy

:set encoding=utf-8
:set fileencodings=iso-2022-jp,euc-jp,sjis,utf8
:se nu

i am so happy because finally, i can view Nihongo .c files thru my teraterm with just a small snippet of code but works big big wonders!!!

dailyWord: incline

Incline my heart to your testimonies, and not to selfish gain! Turn my eyes from looking at worthless things; and give me life in your ways.~ (Psalms 119:36, 37 ESV)

dailyWord: beauty

Don’t be concerned about the outward beauty of fancy hairstyles, expensive jewelry, or beautiful clothes. You should clothe yourselves instead with the beauty that comes from within, the unfading beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is so precious to God. 

~ 1 Peter 3:3-4


its so easy to get trapped with the world’s definition of beauty.  i have been, and didnt even know i was until yesterday.
i’ve always taken pride in having a strong personality, one who speaks her mind and does not fear if her opinions are far from the popular share.  add to that a stern face matched with an equally authorative voice when speaking out.  so unpretty and unbeautiful.

but what does gentle and quiet spirit really mean?  i have a feeling that it is not staying quiet even if you have suggestions that could be helpful, or just smiling while pointing out something, or talking in a hushed sweet voice when voicing out opinions.

i believe this is a lot harder.  harder because this has a lot more to do with the heart and mind. 

the gentle spirit speaks with a humble heart, one who speaks not to prove it’s right but to build up others, one who speaks to pacify.  the gentle spirit speaks from a heart of love despite provocations of anger, or feelings of tiredness and stress, or questions of self-validity.  it remains unfazed despite the world constantly wanting to destroy its calmness.

the quiet spirit means to listen more, even if it has become too noisy, too loud, too chaotic.  the quiet spirit seeks to listen to understand, to stay unfazed even when the sound hurts, to remain calm and patient even when running away or shutting out the noise is a lot easier.


admittingly, i dont have a gentle and quiet spirit.  but the Lord says, ask and you shall receive, and so i still have hope.


hate mail

dear you,

yes you, who get every chance you get to slowly kill me with lies of sweet pleasures you tell yourself.  you say you’ll stop tomorrow but you say that everyday you’ve gone from bad to worst liar and stall. 

you used to love me and take care of me dearly.  what happened to you?  why are you doing this to me trying to kill me but making it look like an accident.  everyday i wake up and thank God that im still alive and breathing because honestly, with the rate you’re going at, i go to sleep and think that maybe, i’m not gonna wake up tomorrow.

you see, the sweetness you’re looking for and feeding yourself isn’t really sweet.  it’s bitter and bile and disgusting if you just know it.  you didnt know but what they’re actually getting you hooked without even knowing it.  poor you.

and what’s this about rewarding yourself?  rewarding yourself with what?  junk?  sigh.  you’re insane.  who would think junk is reward?  im telling you, you’re at the tail of the race in this.  i wonder why you’re being delusional about rewards.  oh wait, i get it, its coz you’re hooked, you’re hallucinating.

i care about you, you know that?  im tired of putting up with you but i dont have a choice.  i dont wanna die either.  so stop!  stop or else im gonna make sure you’ll regret what you’re doing now every single minute of yourlife.  and don’t ask me what to do because you know what.

your body

a/n: yes, im sure my body would tell me this with my unhealthy habits addictions. 

instead of a new year’s resolution

since i haven’t had a post to start my blog for this year, i am posting my wishlist instead of a new year’s resolution! besides, ticking each one of these off would be a better experience than ticking off the resolutions you weren’t able to keep up…


– lightroom license
– 2tb mobile hard disk
kindle paperwhite (or the ipad mini) *got the paperwhite as a bday gift from my gorgeous girl friends
macro lens *got a set of macro filters as a bday/valentine gift from my boyfriend
– 14-24mm, 50mm, 24-70 nikkon lens
– flash for d7000
– foldable bike
– macbook
– own house

happy new year to myself!